


Back in Time...With you

by davidsenzi



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Matteo's asexual and can still love David!, best friends to strangers to lovers, high school reuinion, witty banters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21772519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidsenzi/pseuds/davidsenzi
Summary: The unspoken words are screaming at him.You don’t want me? You don’t love me? You don’t need me?The amount of shock running through Matteo’s system could keep him awake for days. David…wants him. But, David doesn’t deserve someone who would even dare to think about him dropping everything and giving everything up for them. David deserves the best— and as he’s made clear now, it’s not him.It the worst lie he’s ever told. And what shatters his heart is the look on David’s face. He believes him. How could he believe him?~~~~~David Schreibner has replied “Yes” to 10 Year Reuinion.10 years next month.He closes his eyes, not wanting to see anything. But that leaves too much room for feeling and if there’s one thing Matteo absolutely refuses to do, it’s to feel his heart rate start to pick up just thinking abou—
Relationships: Amira Thalia Mahmood/Mohammed Razzouk, Jonas Augustin/Hanna Jung, Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 89





	Back in Time...With you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I went missing for like 150 days. I got lost. But, never fear Lucia found her way back and is ready to kick ass with like 7 things she's been writing, get hype. Basically, I went away for a month to visit family and with working full time, then going back to part time with junior year in an IB school, I was not having it. I don't know why I didn't predict my happiness to come from writing, but lately I've been in able to get passionate again by writing. I wanted one of these lowkey famous (with fandoms shipping them), high school reunion, best friends to strangers to lover type things and no one had one (because wtf), so here I am, writing to my own requests lol. Please sit back, get some popcorn, and enjoy :)

Matteo did not realize high school reunions are actually a thing. He thought his friends were joking…for nine years. He accepts his stupidity towards his lack of logic as he, in disbelief, stares at the invite on his email, that he almost accidentally deleted. 

_10 years_ next month.

He closes his eyes, not wanting to see anything. But that leaves _too_ much room for feeling and if there’s one thing Matteo absolutely refuses to do, it’s to feel his heart rate start to pick up just thinking abou—

He looks down to his phone and groans. Jonas is texting him.

19:26

 **Jonas** : We’re going.

Shit. Of course Jonas wasn’t going to let Matteo get out of it. Maybe Jonas has more to say than just— his phone is ringing. What a coincidence.

“Hey,” He says, setting his annoyance aside.

“Hey…so, thoughts?”

Matteo wants to roll his eyes, but figures it’d be ineffective as Jonas wouldn’t be able to see. “I’m going to cry.”

He hears Jonas laugh. “This isn’t funny,” He complains.

“Bro, because you’re acting like we’re in high school. You’re 28.”

He argues, “Adults can cry.”

“Adults don’t spend their days— hey! Don’t even act like _this_ is going to send you in a downwards spiral thinking about—”

“— No! Jonas, stop,” He nearly shouts. _Too_ quickly. _Too_ desperately. 

“All I’m saying is you can’t pretend that you don’t already think about—”

“— Jonas…” He groans, desperately.

“Okay, I’m sorry. That was rude,” Jonas apologizes. 

A moment of silence goes by. Then, “Are you nervous?

Matteo tries to stop his breath from faltering, but can’t catch himself in time.

“You know, he still cares about you.”

Matteo sits up from his couch to go grab water. “Jonas, I tell you every time, I don’t want to talk about _it_.”

Jonas sighs. “I know, that’s why I always ask. I don’t want this to actually send you into…darkness while you dread it for a month. We have real jobs now, we can’t skip.”

“I know.”

“I know you know, Matteo. I’m just saying— ”

Somewhere, he finds it in himself to spill it out, “— I’m nervous as shit to see him. I can’t stop replaying _that_ day in my head.”

He looks down to his phone as he hears his ringer go off again. Jonas is requesting to _Facetime_. He picks it up and stands his phone up on a candle while grabbing a water bottle, from the fridge.

The call connects. “I know.”

Matteo turns around to meet his friend’s straight face. “It’s okay to be nervous.”

“No, like, Jonas, I don’t think you understand.”

He turns around and unscrews the cap. “I can’t fucking breath. I need air and I don’t have it.”

“The planet’s dead at this point, man. I know.”

Matteo rolls his eyes and goes to sit at the kitchen table, looking at the _Facetime_. “That was inappropriate.”

“Do you want me to come over?”

“And ask about him? No thanks,” Matteo says incredulously.

Jonas tilts his head. “I’m serious.”

“I am too, hell no.” He takes another sip of water. Jonas stares at him, waiting for him to fully express himself. He does that a lot, knowing Matteo shys away when given the opportunity to.

“Fuck, do you think he met someone or…even if not, what chance is…you know he’s directed 4 films and written 1 in the past 6 years he’s been out of Uni? I’ve done shit.”

Jonas’ jaw drops. “That’s such bullshit. You went to Uni for 6 years, the only one who went for longer was Amira! And, you do realize, you’ve produced 3 insanely, universally popular video games on the side of working on the tech that makes the future, like CRISPR? Dude, you are one kickass nerd.”

Matteo doesn’t know how to respond. He doesn’t usually receive compliments— and he likes it that way. He does just fine without them.

But, he usually doesn’t feel as accomplished as he knows he is. 

“I’m serious Matteo, you’re kicking ass. And if he doesn’t recognize that, he’s a lot more stupid than I’ve ever thought he was.”

Matteo quietly argues, “You don’t think he’s stupid.”

“Well…” He says in high pitched voice, before continuing, “To be fair I also think you’re stupid, even with your fancy PhD.”

His phone buzzes and it’s the boys. Carlos and Abdi. “Shit.”

“Ha,” Jonas snorts, “Carlos is worried about seeing Kiki.” 

Matteo smiles while reading the texts build up between the two. “If Abdi hooks up with Sam, he’s going to be heartbroken.”

“One night stands aren’t all— ”

“—Eh, for Abdi though.”

Jonas shrugs. “At least you don’t have to worry about that shit, being ace.”

“I fear dating because of it.”

“Well, and because you’re— ”

“— Okay, Jonas it was nice talking with— ”

“— No! I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Matteo realizes he’s being selfish. “Shit, you have a date with Hanna soon. You can go, for real.”

Silence. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Matteo nods, avoiding looking at the camera.

Jonas sighs, “Call me if you need me. Hanna would love to see you, so don’t think you’ll ruin our date. We love you!”

Matteo cringes, “Whatever, I love you guys too I guess.”

“Damn straight..”

The boys look at each other for a second, Matteo knows it’s because Jonas won’t hang up until he’s sure he’s okay. Jonas clears his throat and quietly says, “Shame only me and Hanna ended up together, out of all of us.”

He never thought about it like that before, but it’s true. Sam and Abdi fell through. Carlos and Kiki fell through. And most disappointingly, probably for everyone…Matteo and—

Matteo, abruptly, feels his eyes prickle with water, but he quickly bats his eyes a couple of times to prevent any mishaps. “Yeah,” He mumbles, letting out a sad chuckle.

“But you should take advantage of it. Go out with Hanna, I’ll be good.”

Jonas moves the screen closer. “You sure?”

It gets harder to put on the facade every time he does it. Matteo forces a nod. “Yeah, I’ll call you if I need you.”

Jonas has a peaceful smile on his face when he answers, “Okay. Bye.”

The _Facetime_ ends. “Fuck.”

He gets a text from Amira.

19:48

 **Amira** : Hey, all good?

19:48

 **Matteo** : Yeah, why?

19:49

 **Amira** : The invite, duh. I know you had to see it by now. Is David coming?  
  


Matteo snorts. 

  
  


19:50

 **Matteo** : What leads you to believe I’d know that?  
  


19:52

 **Amira** : You haven’t gone through the RSVP list? Jonas, Carlos, and Abdi already said yes. Mohammed and I said yes. Hanna, Leonie, and Sara all said yes too. I don’t see your name, but I see all your friends. Why?

19:52

 **Matteo** : So you already know if David’s going

19:52

 **Amira** : Yes, what would really lead you to believe that I don’t already know everything? ;)

 **Amira** : Also, Mohammed is away this next for work and I have no one to eat dinner with. Want to have dinner next Thursday? I can make something.

19:53

 **Matteo:** Your cooking is the best :) 

19:59

 **Amira** : Perfect, and we can discuss David then too! How sweet.

20:00

 **Matteo** : Anything for food, I guess.

  
  


Later that night, instead of being alone, he decides to do a livestream on _Youtube_ while playing one of his games; Occasionally, he answers some of the questions in the comment section.

He enjoys answering how his life’s going and talking about actual important subjects like mental health, sexuality and more that he can relate to with his own experiences. It’s a little thing he does every couple weeks.

He has to admit, he’s gaining a lot of subscribers through addressing those topics. There’s a lot of high schoolers and college kids who like to settle down by watching him do relaxed videos where he just babbles on about shit while playing. 

And he likes that it’s not necessarily just a gaming channel because that’s not the only thing he wants teenagers to care about.

His friends enjoy it too, occasionally joining him on a night off and suggesting they make a video for “clout.” Matteo knows it’s because all of his smartass friends think they’re hilarious, and, to be fair, they are. 

Some of his subscribers even keep up with all of their _Instagrams_ to get maximum content of them.

Tonight, someone asked about how he maintained his mental health through high school. He thinks about it before answering. He also notices a few people freaking out about someone “big” joining, but can’t find out who it is.

“If I’m being honest…for me, high school was shit for a while. I had a 2 year depression spell and didn’t want to do shit because I was afraid of failure.” 

There’s only one person on his mind. He doesn’t want to tell people that because there were so many more, but there was one smile in high school that he was convinced could cure his depression. 

“But uh…I had good people surrounding me and luckily, one of my closest friends at the time…” He softly smiles a bit. “…They were amazing and made me want to be happy. They wouldn’t let me isolate myself and for as much shit as I gave them, I’m forever thankful.”

He pauses the game and scrolls through the comments.

He’s not going to lie to himself, it sounded like he was talking about…someone as if they were his boyfriend. And people picked up on that, commenting, asking who they were.

“But, I mean there were many people who helped me through it. If you’re a people person, surround yourself with positivity. If you aren’t” He jokes, “Don’t listen to Green Day, MCR, or Weezer because emo music will not help.”

He ignores more comments who still ask if he was talking about a boyfriend. 

* * *

4 days later and Matteo has found himself entirely absorbed by the idea of the reunion. 

It’s manifesting itself inside Matteo’s head like some kind of facultative parasitism. It’s not exactly relying on the host to survive, rather it’s taking advantage of the knowledge that it could infect a human, such as Matteo, instead of being free-living.

Everyone’s posting on their stories about it and the old group chats are resurfacing in his _iMessages_ and it makes him feel sick. 

“Oh god. Fuck,” Matteo mumbles while scrolling through the RSVP list at 03:00. 

And yes, this is how he chose to spend his one day off this week. Staying up all night and building up the courage to finally click on the RSVP list to check who’s accepted or declined the invite.

**David Schreibner has replied “Yes” to** **_10 Year Reuinion._ **

  
  


He sits up from his bed and throws off his sheets, feeling too warm. “Fuck my life.”

He googles him, then goes straight to his account on _Instagram_. And yes, he pretends it’s not his most recently searched thing online and searches it anyways.

**David Schreibner** , **Da_vid.gif** or **UFA GmbH Schreibner**

Somehow with him being famous all over the nation, he has managed to be incognito. There’s no information that Matteo doesn’t already know. Additionally, he’s easily able to tell what websites are spreading ridiculously fake lies for attention.

He found some stupid article about him being in a relationship all throughout high school and _it’s fine_ , but something about it doesn’t sit well with Matteo…knowing some people probably believed shit like that. 

Something he does find interesting is an article about them. It’s from a small, unpopular website, but still. It talks about their career paths and how with going to the same school, it would be unsurprising information if one day _they’d_ confirm a past friendship.

He is somewhat startled by the comments. Actual people read this and felt the need to comment.

**_I never made the connection these 2 insanely talented people went to the same high school, and even were in the same grade. It makes you wonder if they crossed paths or got inspiration from each other, being that it looks very possible they had contact with each other._ **

**_It makes me wonder what their potential dynamic at friendship would be like, being that they like polar opposite fields of study. Could science and tech influence writing and film, or vice versa?_ **

**_This is dumb, I know, but I’m a single 19 year old reading this random page for school at like 02:54, so cut me some slack. But has anyone ever considered they could have been dating? They’ve both been openly gay, since the beginning of their careers, and with sharing the same passion towards different things, I think they could have had a very unique thing going. Idk, hope I finish my research about Matteo’s games lol._ **

Matteo finds himself smiling at that one. 

He certainly didn’t think anyone would ever write something for school, about him. It almost feels like…there’s butterflies in his stomach knowing strangers can sense that kind of connection. 

He can’t compartmentalize whether it’s norepinephrine, dopamine, endogenous opioids that are being released throughout his body, but it draws him over to his account. 

Matteo can’t stop replaying it over and over. His heart is starting to race the same way it used to when he’d think about it. 

His last post is literally a picture of them from _that_ day before it all went to shit. 

**_If you ran as fast as your mouth does, you’d be in better shape._ **

Matteo’s mouth drops as he gasps through a laugh. He still finds him just as funny years later. He forgot that’s what the photo was captioned. It was an arbitrary attack out of nowhere.

He’s missed that quick wit and sarcasm spilling from his lips. He’s missed much more than that, honestly. 

He has nearly a million followers on _Instagram_ and yet his last post is almost 10 years old. 

The following questions and ideas Matteo has lead him to believe it’s the dopamine that’s talking. He imagines the confusion his fandom has about it. Are people trying to find out who he is? He’s not tagged in it, so really there’s no confirmation it’s him.

He quickly dismisses the thought, having never received any comments or DMs he could remember that asked about it. But, he does have quite a large following as well, so it’s possible he’s skimmed over a couple…hundred messages.

He clicks the comments and starts to scroll through them. There’s only around 100. The first couple are just old friends or people from school. 

Then, there’s some uncertainty of this being the right account, with the most recent post being so old. But what nicely surprises him is a couple along the lines of

_**Who is this? Are they a thing?** _ And Matteo’s eyes widen at the one: **_Guys, is it just me or does this look like @ matteohno_ ** _and_ **_@ da_vid.gif were reallyyy close friends way back when_ **

He acknowledges how clever it is, not actually tagging their usernames because he truly did miss this. He clicks into the thread, after seeing the 242 likes, and skims through the 20 responses.

  
  


**_Omg they went to the same school._ **

**_My friend went to their school and thought they were dating the whole time_ **

  
  


He doesn’t recognize that account, so it must have been an underclassmen at the time. He now wants to find out what friend of theirs they’re referring to, but he knows he shouldn’t act obsessive.

  
  


**_What do you guys think happened_ **

**_We have no other pictures ugh._ **

**_Time to go stalk @ matteohno_ **

**_Update: I can’t exactly tell if it’s him, but I think @ matteohno has a post with him_ **

**_I need to know what happened_ **

**_2 gay friends and we “think” they dated? We know bitch!_ **

Matteo giggles, cheeks feeling warm. It’s the same username as the girl, Lidia, who commented on that article. He sincerely hopes she passed that paper.

He’s now invested and goes back to his own account to find that one post they’re talking about. 

He only has 3 posts remaining from high school, the rest were archived on impulse by embarrassment that once flooded through his head. 

There is one with him. 

It looks fucking freezing and he’s hiding his face in his shoulder. The comments were right. It’s one of those posts where you wouldn’t have recognized him because only their side profiles are revealed under dim lighting. 

It was this kind of an intimate thing Matteo remembered liking. 

He actually forgot his jacket and Matteo was cackling after saying “Well damn Jackie, I can’t control the weather” before reluctantly giving in and letting him wrap himself around him. 

**_As days fade and nights grow And we grow cold_ **

He re-reads it and dramatically falls back on his bed. He did _not_ quote _Demolition Lovers_ from MCR. Oh god, but he did. He might as well have used a heart emoji, at that point.

He goes to the comment section.

  
  


**_Guys is this @ Da_vid.gif??!_ **

**_Does this…confirm they were dating?_ **

**_MCR quote, y’all I’m dead_ **

**_I’m sensing mutual pining, my heart is filled_ **

**_They never deleted their pics either!_ **

  
  


He breaths in and out, just like he remembers his therapist reminds him to. It makes him feel weirdly overwhelmed to receive this feedback based on 2 singular photos, but he accepts that his friends did the same. 

The boys were— and still are— his wingmen. God forbid, Matteo would ignore their numerous attempts at setting him up different guys; all different ages, styles, personalities, and… 

It could never fill the nihility he has. No one excep— his phone is ringing.

“Hello?”

“Breakfast?”

Matteo groans and then yawns, “Jonas, isn’t it like 4 in the fucking morning?”

“Bro, it’s 08:30.” 

Matteo’s eyes widen. “What?”

“Dude, what?” Jonas seems energized.

Matteo looks over to his curtains. It’s daylight. He must have missed that. Clearly, he was _too_ engrossed with a group of fans who discovered something he’s tried to push down.

“Uh…” He’s not about to lie to his best friend. Matteo brings his other hand back to scratch his neck. He’s thankful Jonas can’t see the blush on his cheeks. “Nothing, I was just…” He reasons, “Thinking about the reunion.”

“We don’t actually have to go out if you don't want to.” 

But Matteo insists that he’ll be fine for breakfast. He just crashes afterwards, that’s all.

* * *

“Fuck it,” Matteo settles on saying to himself before he opens another 20 tabs on his computer to get an outfit for the reunion. According to google, he should wear business casual.

The only problem with that is, what Matteo wears to create video games and to design technology are extremely different. He has shown up to work in sweatpants and a suit. 

2 hours later and he can this really confirms he’s gay. He doesn’t think he’s ever spent this long selecting an outfit. 

Matteo got black dress pants that will require a belt, a random pair of faux leather shoes, and a dark blue button up.

He just wants to know what he looks like now, but there is nothing. No recently tagged pictures or remotely anything, besides blurry film photos, to reference. He just wants to see him. _Too_ bad. _Too_ desperately. 

His bones are physically aching for him right now. His head is spinning and he feels weak.

“Awh, Matteo! Hi.” Amira says while hugging Matteo.

He smiles and blushes almost instantly, at the sincerity in her voice.

“Amira…how are you surviving without Mohammed?”

She giggles. “Working every day, not much has changed, but it’s lonely at night.”

“Got used to that, real quick,” He solemnly chuckles and she rolls her eyes, but steps back to let him walk in. 

“So, I made all your favorites.”

Matteo walks in and goes to the kitchen. “For all the questions.”

They both go to sit. “So, I’m assuming you’ve gone through the list.”

“Yah.”

“Yet, you haven’t said yes.”

“I had a panic attack last night, thinking about it. I don’t want to have a panic attack there in front of everyone.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” She frowns.

“Because I’m like 28 and supposed to not be doing that anymore.”

She tilts her head. “We made a rule. Me, Jonas, your therapist. Whoever you feel will be able to help you best depending on your comfort and when. You can always talk to us.”

“Amira,” He pouts, “I feel like a burden. I can’t.”

~~~~~

  
  


“I can’t. I can’t fucking do it,” He cries.

Matteo hates being vulnerable. 

Amira places a hand on his shoulder. “Can’t do what?”

“This. Everything. I can’t do it, I can’t. There’s no point.”

“Matteo, as a psychologist, these are serious things you are talking about. I can probably better assess you and work on getting medicine that actually does shit, but…you have to be more clear what _it_ is that you _cannot_ do. Please.” 

“Without him, Amira. I can’t.”

“Okay, that’s better. Thank you.” Matteo was extremely vulnerable and honest, but it helped Amira to help him. Vulnerability is not always bad, he has to remind himself.

~~~~~

“You’re keeping track of your meds?” She asks and he groans. “They don’t have the same effect every day. I’ve been feeling depressed lately and they aren’t helping.”

Amira nods and then hesitantly raises a brow. “Can I make a guess?”

“Yeah,” He says, motioning a hand.

“You recovered after David left. It took a couple years, but you got it under control. But, it’s starting to hit you again, how sad you were without him. You think seeing him will remind you how miserable you felt.”

Matteo sits there, dumbfounded. Amira’s amazing at what she does. He truly thinks she deserves more attention for being an amazing psychologist. Though he knows in this case, it was obvious.

“I mean, I’m still upset without him. I’m just not as sad anymore.” He admits.

“Ultimately it’s your decision, Matteo. I would never force you to go and neither would Jonas. If you don’t think this is going to be good for you, don’t. But I don’t want you to mope around when this could be an opportunity to mend things.”

Matteo nods, it’s true.

“And I don’t think you should be afraid. David’s never been an ass, he would never intentionally hurt you unless there were good reason too, and in that case…I find that impossible.”

* * *

He’s walking home from work when he gets a text from Carlos.

14:18

 **Carlos** : Dude, Kiki’s bringing a date.

14:18

 **Matteo** : Oh shit, fr?

14:19

 **Carlos** : Yeah, you won’t fucking believe it. It’s Stefan.

  
  


“Oh my god,” Matteo fights the urge to laugh.

  
  


14:19  
**Matteo** : He likes girls who obviously need a rebound. You’re fine. 

  
  


He feels bad for Stefan…partly, but he has an obligation to be rooting for his friends.

  
  


14:19

 **Carlos** : Do you think he's gonna bring someone?

14:20

 **Matteo** : Uh. Idk? He could I guess

  
  


He hopes not. He really hopes he doesn’t.

Not thinking entirely straight, he does onto his _Instagram_ and scrolls all the way down to that post with David. He feels the urge and likes 2 of the comments, finding it amusing to stir something up. 

He likes:

  
  


**_Guys is this @ Da_vid.gif??!_ **

**_They never deleted their pics either!_ **

Feeling giddy, he slides his phone into his pocket and promises himself he won’t go back online for a couple hours.

It’s now almost midnight and although he’s been ignoring them, he knows he’s received a couple more notifications than usual. 

He doesn’t know if checking all the comments before he goes to sleep is a good or bad idea, but he does.

**_AH OH MY GOD IM FUCKING DECEASED. ILY_ **

**_Guys the God has spoken_ **

**_Fuck guys did he just confirm it, we all know what this thread is about ;)_ **

**_OMG IM FREAKING OUT_ **

**_Do you think he’ll talk about it on a live?_ **

There’s about 50 more, but he closes the app. Maybe he can find something to watch to fall asleep that won’t make him feel the same way he did in high school.

For the first time in Matteo’s life, when he refreshes his _Youtube_ recommendations, he gets one he thinks is…for him? It’s called **Evidence @Matteohno and @Da_vid.gif are it**. He scrunches his brows, huffing out a breath.

Are people making videos about him now? He clicks in.

“Hey guys, it’s Lidia. Instead of vlogging today, I’m going to share my thoughts and opinions on something that not everyone’s been obsessed with, but should be. I just need to know if it’s fucking true or not!” 

She pauses, then says, “I have been watching David’s films since he started posting them on Youtube when he was at Uni. We’re talking about 10 years of dedication I’ve had, being a fan for that long. And I’m obviously a helpless romantic. And clearly David Schreiber is too!”

Matteo pauses it, feeling uneasy. He wonders where he’s going to come into this.

“Have we failed to recognize 4 out of the 5 professional films he’s worked on were romances? I feel like all fandoms get obsessed with some relationship, but in my case, David Schreibner’s never acted in one of his movies, so I can’t ship him with any actors or anything.”

Matteo’s not even going to lie. He felt relieved that he liked directing over acting because he wouldn’t have to worry about him falling in love with any of his “on screen loves.” Matteo surprises himself with this envy. He hasn’t felt it in a while.

“He refuses to talk about his love life in interviews and you know who else shys away from that shit? Matteo Florenzi, who has ignored nearly all comments or questions about his love life, in all of his live streams that David watches too!”

Matteo pauses it again. He wonders if that’s actually true. On average, every couple of streams end in comments about some “famous” people viewing, but he’s never paid attention to who. 

Could it really be?

“And he liked my comment on his post yesterday and after screaming in excitement, I realized what comment he liked too! It was the one where I asked if one of his posts from high school was of David.”

“And get this, they were in the same grade in high school. They’re both open with their sexualities, David being homosexual and Matteo being a homoromantic asexual, so all I’m saying is…it would make my day if they’d confirm something! I mean, David and Matteo are both so good looking, funny, and successful people!”

She cracks herself up and laughs for a second. “I sound like such a crackhead, but it’s fine! Matteo, David, whoever’s watching this, please make my day and let me know.”

That was one hell of a video and one hell of a sign off. He laughs a bit. Lidia seems very cool.

Something in the back of his head encourages him to do something a little bold. He likes the video and comments **Lol, the crackhead energy👌🏼👌🏼**

He stares at his comment…each second that goes by reminds him that out of nowhere he’s potentially starting to speak on behalf of them without asking him and his heart rate picks up. 

But, it’s true, he now knows. It was mutual. So maybe he wants to get his attention…maybe.

Matteo wakes up to like 50 comments on _Youtube_ and for once, a couple twitter notifications. 

Everyone’s freaking out and apparently so is Jonas because he sent a screenshot, asking if that was really him or if there was a hacker. 

**_Oh my god ty for watching my video, my life is complete!!_ **

**_He didn’t respond to the overall message!_ **

**_Him commenting gets the message across_ **

**_Oh my god guys_ **

  
  


08:15

 **Jonas** : Wtf, is this u?

08:25

 **Matteo** : Yeah

12:11

 **Jonas** : Oh my god

 **Jonas** : Are you trying to get his attention? Over the...internet Matteo?

16:16

 **Matteo** : Idk what the fuck I’m doing

  
  


* * *

Matteo occasionally posts makes live streams with his friends playing them where he just roasts the shit out of them.

On today’s livestream he’s with Jonas, Carlos, and Abdi before they go look for their outfits for the reunion.

“Oh my god, it’s the verified account. Hi David!”

Matteo feels like he just got hit by a truck. He immediately looks over to where Abdi’s sitting, reading live comments. 

Abdi’s eyes widen with realization of the fact that he publicly made a comment addressing that there is some relationship between Matteo’s friend group and David. “Ah, sorry.”

Matteo rolls his eyes looks over to Jonas, who’s also stopped playing the game. Jonas sends him a sympathetic glance before punching his shoulder and Matteo laughs before taking away his remote privileges. 

“Uh, since I’m the only fucking player, should we just answer questions on the live?” Carlos asks.

Matteo contemplates and turns off the TV. “For like 10, after we should probably get shit for the reunion, yes Carlos?”

Carlos nods, almost immediately. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” Abdi mumbles while scrolling through the comments. He doesn’t say anything, curious Matteo snatches the phone. He quirks a brow, seeing how many people are questioning how Matteo knows David, or about how Matteo reacted, or something along the lines of— 

“Does anybody actually have questions because,” Matteo fakes looking to his wrist, as if there’s a watch there, “We’re on a time crunch.”

Matteo hopes the entire 5,018 people watching the video didn’t just watch his eyes soften at a comment from him.

**_Will you finally let the people know you’re friends with me?_ **

He quietly giggles, a smug smile appearing on his face. He knows his face is getting red, but he doesn’t care. 

“Uh,” He starts, looking to Jonas who smiles at the camera. “Yeah, proof. Same high school, same biology class.”

Jonas gasps, a smartass smirk on his face. “Don’t I know it, you ditched me to be his lab partner, you ass.”

Matteo goes to smack him on the head. “That’s not important.”

Jonas grins, grabbing the camera and moving around quickly so Matteo can’t stop him. He shouts, “I want the people to know the real you! Your friend of what…15 years, at the time, and you left me to be partners with David!”

He walks over to Matteo and shoves the camera in his face. Matteo rolls his eyes. “Slander, slander! I’m a great friend. What other questions does everyone have?”

Jonas reads some. “Everyone wants to know if you were in a relationship in high school.”

“Oh?” Matteo says, surprise on his face. He wonders if he’s still watching. “Uh…” 

Carlos shouts in the background, “If you have to think about it, then it— ”

“— Not really, no. I uh, only came out my junior year so…oh god, I dated blank for 3 weeks, tell her I’m sorry about that.” The boys snicker and Matteo waits for more comments that aren’t freaking out about the way he answered that question.

**_Overall consensus: Do you currently have a boyfriend?_ **

Matteo smile wavers when he reads the comment, posted by none other than him. He swallows and nearly chokes on his saliva and his friends make fun of him while he goes to grab water. 

“Well…” Abdi prompts.

“No, I…no. Neither does Carlos or Abdi ladies…and gentlemen,” He jokes before the two groan. “Just kidding, straights…Am I right?” Jonas rolls his eyes.

“Oh, new question. What’s your type?”

Matteo tries to pretend a specific face that he’s yearning came to mind.

“Uh…I dunno. Dating kinda sucks when you’re ace because, sad warning, there’s always this underlying fear, that I at least have, where someone would leave or cheat because you can’t please them in this one way that like, 99% of the world considers to be the expression of love. And it’s not— ”

He pauses, trying to better articulate his thoughts.

“— I’m not loveless. And not having or wanting love, is valid, but I experience love, I want love too, but I don’t view it the same. It’s romantic attraction, but like among that there’s sensual, aesthetic, and more factors. I want everything else, but it makes me feel isolated.”

“Who’s the first person you came out to?” One of the boys asks him.

“Uh…not any of you, sorry.” He chuckles, scratching the back of his neck, while they complain. “It was…someone who’s watching the livestream actually.” He smiles when his friends start hollering.

“Do you think you’ll want a relationship, or are there too many barriers?”  
  
Matteo snorts, “I want a relationship, being that I’m not aromantic, I am romantically and therefore, aesthetically attracted to people and want that kind of connection, where we’re both attracted to each other like that.”

Jonas nods, “Yeah, you can still have romantic attraction! That’s what people have to start understanding, it’s not like you’re speaking a foreign language.”

Matteo nods. “Yeah, so yeah I want one…I just— you know there’s— uh, I’m starting to sound really cliche and gay, but there’s not many people I can picture my life with— and I don’t want date if I can tell it won’t last long term— if that makes sense.”

Carlos walks over and smacks Matteo in the head, and protests they’re talking too much about love and Matteo starts laughing because he knows Carlos misses Kiki.

“Oh…is Carlito sad?” He asks before Abdi starts hysterically laughing and then he apologizes.

“Okay, like one more question.”

Jonas flips through comments and Carlos and Abdi start a side conversation. Then Jonas asks, “Do you think an asexual should only date another asexual?”

Matteo groans, “Oh god, I didn’t mean it like that. I personally would only feel comfortable dating an ace or someone who…I trust. It couldn’t just be a stranger.”

Jonas swallows and then asks, “So is that a no?”

“I want to clarify that my answer is no. You need someone who’s understanding and if they view your asexuality as a limitation, they really don’t deserve you wasting your time being heartbroken over it.” 

As they all say their goodbyes, Matteo pretends no to be reading all of the comments freaking out because it sounded like Matteo was referring to someone _special_ the entire time.

So yes, Matteo has quite a diverse, large fan base. Some from his video games, CRISPR, 

Youtube and some asexual fanbase that has “claimed him,” which he has no problems with at all. Asexuals need representation.

* * *

It’s 22:49 and Matteo’s eating takeout for dinner, while _Facetiming_ Jonas, when out of what seems like nowhere, he starts getting _twitter_ notifications. 

“— Uh, wait, I’m too famous for this,” Matteo says, interrupting their conversation.

Jonas laughs, “What do you have to respond to?”

“Uh…” Matteo burns time, trying to find the source to the madness and— oh there it is.

**_So no hard feelings?_ **

He is getting tagged like crazy on his recent tweet, everyone asking if he’s referring to Matteo. 

“I think he just tweeted me, asking if there’s any hard feelings.”

“Oh my god,” Jonas says before taking another bite of his dinner, “Wait, so he tagged you and just said that?”

Matteo shakes his head. “No, he didn’t tag me, but everyone else is.”

Jonas nods. “Huh, kinda weird.”

“Yeah considering we literally all talked to him in the live yesterday.”

Matteo likes it and smiles to himself. Maybe it is for him.

* * *

“David?” Matteo asks, sightlessly staring off in the distance.

“Matteo,” He shouts, running closer.

“You’re here,” Matteo whispers.

“You think I came to this shitty reunion for anyone else besides you?” He asks, incredulously.

Matteo giggles and he feels his collarbone taunt him with blush.

“I only came for you too,” Matteo softly says, closing his eyes before David goes to kiss hi—

“Oh my fucking god, no I fucking didn’t,” Matteo says out loud, to himself, as he sits up from his bed. His face is warm and he feels so embarrassed that he’s that desperate.

He does not tell a single other soul that his dreams with him are starting again. 

* * *

It’s 3 days before the reunion. He is panicking. It’s 03:59 and he can’t wake up his friends, so he does the next best thing. He starts a livestream so that he can talk to someone. 

He just needs people and he’ll be able to calm down.

The first few comments rolling in are excitement about him being online, but confusion about the time frame.

“So, you may all be curious why I am online…my 10 year high school reunion is in 3 days and I’m kind of scared as shit. I was a mess during high school and don’t want to go back.” They ask why.

“I, with my past shit, have separation anxiety and generalised anxiety disorder.”

They ask him to talk about it.

“Well, my Dad was an alcoholic and left us to go to Italy when I was a kid. My mom suffers from early onset alzheimers and wouldn’t always recognize me. I lost my best friend— sorry Jonas— when I went to Uni.”

He pauses, “My main message from my sad, pathetic childhood is that the transition from high school to Uni was like, really fucking rough. And I feel like I’m going to revisit that portion of my life when I go back.”

He reads some comments out loud about others who have gone to their reunions, who didn’t, and who also suffered the same.

“I guess, these things happen for a reason. Maybe it’ll be good. Unexpectedly good. Sorry I’ve come on here a mess, I’m just…it’s cool having this base of people to talk to. I promise to not go live again at 4 in the morning.” 

“I mean, I am excited to see my friends.”

And then he smiles a bit _too_ excitedly and the comments start to come in and his lips purse when he sees a comment from none other than him.

**_I’ve missed seeing you_ **

His heart skips a couple beats. He scratches the back of his neck, which is becoming a nervous tendency lately and plays with his fingers. “I’ve uh, missed seeing you too…okay bye guys,” he says before quickly signing off.

He wakes up to at least a hundred tags on _Instagram_ . Everyone’s expecting a _David and Matteo reunion._

Oh god, Matteo’s feelings never went away. He knew that, but now they’re prominent and he really feels like a dumb high schooler again.

* * *

**_1 day. Are you fucking ready?_ **

Matteo embarrassingly choked on his water in front of Amira when he saw that tweet. 

* * *

20 minutes fashionably late and Jonas successfully drags Matteo along into the building, by physically dragging him inside. 

“Jonas, you ass, I fuck—” He quickly cuts himself off, the loud noise from behind the door startling him.

His feet freeze and he watches remorse fill Jonas’ eyes before he moves his attention back to—

“— Dav.’” Matteo breaths it so quietly he didn’t think Jonas heard him.

He looks over when he feels a hand on his shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay. Wanna go meet up with the guys?”

He doesn’t respond. He’s too busy watching David from the opposite side of the room, selfishly drinking in what he’s been missing for 10 years.

He looks even more attractive than before— which, instead Matteo’s breath catching in the back of his throat, the wind is literally knocked out of him. 

His curls are grown out longer than in high school, probably because he’s done trying to configure himself to the ideal “masculine” teenager. He doesn’t need that shit. Matteo’s hands are itching to run through it.

His big brown eyes seem to still bore into his. And as he talks to Amira, the twinkle in his eyes is still there and it makes Matteo woozy.

David still has his athletic and strong build to him, which he knows many people have to find charming and alluring.

He’s aged well. He looks more…what…was he saying? He lost his train of thought when David glanced back at him and then did a double take, before looking away. 

By the time Carlos and Abdi find Jonas and Matteo, he’s unable to tear his eyes away from him. 

There’s now a swarm of people surrounding David, probably because they regret being an ass after he got outed for being trans now that he’s famous.

Matteo can’t really keep his concentration going while they hold useless conversations with people who come over to say hi to him, specifically. He hates how superficial some people are being. If they weren’t willing to talk to him in high school, why now? 

He barely even remembers that he has money and is in “good standing” now.

At some point, when avoiding people, he even runs into Hans.

Matteo raises his brows. “Hans, what the fuck are you doing here?!”

Hans smiles, “Some one night stand from high school asked me to come and they’re still really hot so…”

Matteo nervously looks around and Hans widens his eyes. “Oh my god, is this weird behavior about David?”

Matteo stops in his tracks. “What weird behavior?”

“Matteo, I swear to God— ”

~~~~~

“Matteo, I swear to God if you don’t open the door, I will take it down! Do not fucking doubt me going all Dad mode. You have been locked in there for 3 days and you aren’t eating! Matteo— ”

He stops when the door unravels and he’s greeted by Matteo’s puffy eyes and tear-dried face.

“My god, butterfly. What is it?” He frowns, immediate concern and dread filling his face.

“David’s gone.”

“What do you mean? How?”

“Frankfurt, he’s going. I told him to go and he’s never going to talk to me again. Okay? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear?! Fuck my fucking life!” He’s yelling and there’s tears streaming from both of his eyes, from frustration.

Hans sighs, “Oh, Matteo. I’m going to call Jonas, I need you to have someone you aren’t mad at right now.”

He slams his door, feeling like an awful person, but knows Hans isn’t taking it personally. “I’ll make you a grilled cheese!” He shouts from the hallway.

Matteo cries. A lot. That was _their_ thing. 

Matteo also gets mad at Jonas because he won’t let him smoke, but at some point he must not have been that mad because he fell asleep hugging him. It didn’t feel the same as with him, but it was someone.

Telling Hans was the last time he used his name. He had to block it out to get better.

~~~~~

“— If you make yourself miserable today, I will personally fight you because I worked hard on you when he left and I will not let all my progress vanish like that!”

Matteo smiles and goes to hug him. “I won’t. Would you wanna go to lunch before you head back home this week?”

Hans smiles, “Only if David accompanies you. Text me!” He says before running off and Matteo sighs.

It’s now 22:50 and Matteo and David have been playing a game where they both longingly stare at each other while they absentmindedly engage in conversations they don’t want to be a part of.

Carlos and Kiki left an hour ago to Carlos’ apartment after she publicly broke up with Stefan, much to Abdi’s complaints. Abdi talked to Sam for about 4 minutes before giving up and getting a drink.

Much to Matteo’s surprise, when he walks back to his group, after grabbing a soda, David’s laughing with his group of friends. Jonas, Amira, Abdi, Mohammed, Sam, Hannah, Mia…and David. 

Jonas pats him on the shoulder, saying, “David, we’ve all missed you! Especially— ” And then he abruptly cuts himself off when he notices Matteo squeezing his way into their circle.

Matteo bites on his lip so hard he busts it, in seconds. Amira’s eyes widen as she says, “Matteo, your lip.”

Old habits die hard. He’s always done that when he’s nervous, but lately he’s been instructed by his therapist to play with his fingers or scratch his neck to calm down. He’s a little _too_ nervous to just…not bit his lips right now.

He brings his hand up to his lip and wipes off the blood. “Oh god,” He mutters, but is sure to shrug it off.

Amira instantly senses his discomfort and redirects the conversation, though she’s really pushing it tonight. “David was just talking about his last film. He had the opportunity to meet the french actor, Maxence Danet-Fauvel.” 

Matteo apprehensively nods, noting that David’s kinda just…watching him.

He doesn’t know if it’s because _he_ wants to say something or David wants _him_ to say something, or if it’s really about his lip that he doesn’t care about.

He can’t read through anymore. David’s put up a wall. It seems too unfamiliar for comfort. All in all, for the next hour they both follow conversations, but remain relatively quiet…either avoiding eye contact or keeping eye contact that feels like it has the strength of magnets.

Matteo doesn’t think it’d be like this. He doesn’t like this. It’s not like them to be so…not comfortable around each other. He feels slightly nauseous. 

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Matteo mumbles before Jonas shoots him a _are you okay_ look to which he rolls his eyes.

He goes onto Tumblr, knowing David won’t find out what he’s saying. He admits to freaking out about David being there and everyone freaks out with him, sending many encouraging messages about it.

He’s turning from the trash can, and he almost trips himself in an attempt to not bump into—

His breath hitches as his eyes wander up to meet his eyes. “David,” Matteo manages to pry the name out of his mouth in a hushed tone.

Something about seeing him this close and privately makes it seem a lot warmer than it actually is. It’s different than before. He’s not uncomfortable. It’s so much more tantalizing.

His eyelids feel so much heavier than they did moments ago. He blinks, waiting for David to say something and lets out a long breath that almost sounds like a whistle. 

A proper _hello_ , maybe. Or a _I’ve missed you._ At this point, an _I love you._

When he looks back to David, there’s this sad grimace on his face that makes his chest tighten. But then relief floods his body when a shy smirk forms, on his face, that Matteo remembers well.

“I saw you liked some comments about me and now everybody’s very interested in _us_ .” He annunciates _us_ like it’s affirmative.

“Oh?!” He says, the same lopsided smile forming on his face.

“And I watched your live streams, which you now know. No one said anything for a while.”

Matteo blurts out, “I’ve watched your films.”

David quirks a brow, amused by him and like he’s just been challenged. “I have all your apps on my phone.”

Matteo tilts his head, licking his lower lip.

“CRISPR technology innovation, I’ve seen.” Matteo nods, blush forming.

“So we’re all caught up?” He hesitantly and jokingly asks.

The tone of David’s voice when he says, “Not nearly enough” makes his hands tremble. Matteo hopes he can’t tell, but David eyes skim down the length of his body and he thinks more than his hands are shaking now.

David’s looking at Matteo’s mouth. He keeps looking at Matteo’s mouth.

He looks at David’s mouth, and then he closes his eyes. He swallows hard. He can still see his face with his eyes closed.

Well, now he knows what that look means, he thinks. That shy gaze David’s holding while pretending they’re in private and he’s kissing him senseless. Maybe.

David’s looking at Matteo’s mouth. He keeps looking at Matteo’s mouth. His train of thought is…losing it’s willpower and…keeps losing momentum. David’s defeating all of Matteo’s strength with a look. A singular look. At his lips that’s reminding him too much about _that_ day. 

_That_ day.

~~~~~

Matteo’s lost count of how many days David’s slept over for. It’s probably been the entire week. 

With it being finals week and David promising to help make a positive work environment, they’ve concluded the only way that’s possible is to study together.

But Matteo also has to admit, having David in his life for a week has been almost as distracting as productive. He finds himself getting too carried away most of the time and then having to walk around him like he’s stepping on eggshells.

Because it’s easy to get transfixed on all of the qualities and skills that David has that remind Matteo to be eternally grateful for him. 

His giggle, for starters makes Matteo see stars. Or the sparkle in his eyes when he talks about things he has a passion for. Or the way he effortlessly insults him with an endearing tone and makes his heart melt…a little bit more. 

Being in love with your best friend of 4 years who has not reciprocated the same feelings is anything, but easy.

This is exactly why Matteo shouldn’t have let David sleep over every night because he’s pretty sure being entirely engulfed by someone isn’t healthy. 

And it’s very possibly extremely egocentric of him.

But, he still has the same weak argument. David’s moving away in a month. 

Matteo’s in love with David and although David would be willing to sacrifice his school for him, Matteo won’t allow himself to love so selfishly. He wants the best for David and he isn’t it. 

That’s why…he’s been allowing himself to think these _happy thoughts_ so much recently. Because it will all be over in a month. 

Thank god it’s Friday morning, the last day of school and that with all their exams finished, they are allowed to skip. 

David wasn’t supposed to sleep over last night, but to be fair he wasn’t supposed to sleep over at all this week.

But it felt so perfect. Like he belonged there. In Matteo’s life. 

It’s not even that different than usual because David’s always over. 

Hans barely moved a muscle when hearing about their plan that was spit out through shit eating grins and giggling. Linn winked at them, to which they both ignored— or rather pretended it didn’t happen— and Mia giggled with them, encouragingly.

Matteo rolls over to face David. It’s been a bliss being able to wake up and turn around to see the one person he’s always imagine—

“Mr Florenzi, what a surprise. I did not expect you to wake up before 15:00.”

Matteo smirks and goes to lay on his back, facing the ceiling. “Habit after waking up at 4 in the morning to study every day this week.”

He can feel David shrug, they’re so close. _Too_ close for comfort. It’s everything he’s ever wanted, but also suffocating.

“What are you thinking about?” David asks.

He shrugs. “I dunno.”

“You always know. Why don’t you ever actually express what you’re feeling?”

Matteo smiles, cheeks pinking. “I’m not going into film. I don't know how to act."

“Do you think we’re ready to graduate?”

“And do real shit? We just pulled like 3 all nighters. I just want to sleep for like 4 years.”

David giggles and Matteo’s sees stars. He loves David’s laugh.

Matteo senses David’s gaze and that side of his face _burns_ from the intensity of the stare. It leaves _too_ many questions and possibilities that Matteo knows aren’t realistic. 

He has to remind himself. _He’s leaving and doesn’t feel the same way. You are letting him leave you. He does not feel the same way and he’s leaving. You are letting_ —

— This is simply more fantasies about the feelings that have been harboring in the back of Matteo’s head for the past 3 years.

“Can you believe in 4 years we’re gonna be just starting our careers…and maybe…” He draws out his words, “…be in relationships…have families.”

Matteo’s breath catches in the back of his throat and his eyelids drop closed in embarrassment. 

“Maybe one day someone will like your dumbass,” David snarks and Matteo erupts into laughter while saying, “Hey!”

He glances over to David who has a smug smile resting on his face, while looking up. Matteo goes to shove him and David eagerly redirects his gaze onto him. 

Matteo’s heartbeat picks up. All of David’s attention is on him and him only. Like he’s the only thing worth spending all his time around. Worth looking at with that look in his eyes.

“Maybe you too, Dav.’” And before he knows what’s happening, David’s hand runs down his forearm before grabbing and pushing Matteo’s hand. His head is spinning.

David swiftly moves from under him and pins Matteo to the bed. It lasts only a second, but the look in David’s eyes terrifies him. It almost leads him to believe all those fantasies might not—

“Bitch,” David says before his face turns into a soft smile and he escapes Matteo’s, now, loose grip on him and flips him back over. 

Matteo’s hands clasp onto David’s as he squirm free, but David’s too strong. Plus, when David’s in a competition mode, there’s no chance for anyone. It’s game over.

Amongst the chaos, David manages to take a really “nice” photo of them where Matteo’s trying to cover the camera.

All of a sudden it’s not playful, grabby hands. It’s more like hand holding and they’re both still. It’s almost more like a test of comfort. How comfortably can David hover over Matteo while he lays there, dazed.

David’s looking at Matteo’s mouth. He keeps looking at Matteo’s mouth. His train of thought is…losing it’s willpower and…keeps losing momentum. David’s defeating all of Matteo’s strength with a look. A singular look. At his lips that’s reminding him too much about _that_ fantasy. 

_That_ fantasy.

Maybe David can read his mind because his smile dies down. Maybe he hates what he reads.

“Frankfurt’s next month…” Matteo knew this, but it crushes his heart all over again. He just wants David to wrap himself around him and never let go. 

It’d be easier if he just stopped. If it all went cold. It’d hurt like hell at first, but not forever.

Matteo squeezes his hands instead of pushing them.

“It’s a 5 hour train ride,” Matteo settles on saying.  
  
“I…could still go to your school. They still want me the—”

Matteo braces himself for the cold. “— Don’t do that for me.”

“Why not?”

“You wouldn’t get the best program for film and you know it. You deserve the best Dav.’” 

The best— not being him of course. Because he isn’t the best thing for David and he knows it. He wants the best for him and he’s honestly starting to feel embarrassment from the amount of selfishness he’s had all week.

Matteo doesn’t say anything. 

David’s looking at Matteo’s mouth. He keeps looking at Matteo’s mouth. He’s going to drown in his thoughts. He can’t breathe. Literally, he hasn’t taken a breath in a solid 60 seconds.

He just stares at David, his gaze momentarily dropping down to his lips before he forces his eyes back up to meet his. 

“Matteo,” The word leaves David’s lips in a voice that’s barely above a whisper. Barely there. Hanging on by a loose thread. That Matteo needs to cut.

Suddenly, David’s a lot closer than Matteo remembered. Maybe he didn’t notice David inching closer. Temptations and desires have…to be put aside. 

“‘Teo,” He murmurs so softly he sounds like an angel.

Is the devil tempting him?

Matteo opens his mouth and chokes on his words, “‘Dav—”

David’s eyelids are hung low. “Do you want me to leave?”

Is there an ulterior meaning behind that question?

_You are letting him leave you. He does not feel the same way and he’s leaving. You are letting_ —

Matteo purses his lips. His aspirations could override his thoughts if he let them.

“You…have to go.” He looks into David’s big brown eyes that are most definitely staring at his lips. David’s eyes fleet up to look at him. “ _You_ want me to?” 

Ulterior meaning. Why was the _you_ directed to him so pointedly?

“You have to,” He says, this time consistently, but weak. 

“Are you sure?” David asks.

“I…can’t. Dav,’ I can’t…I’m sorry.” He chokes out his words. He feels tears coming on.

Almost immediately David retreats, eyes watering.

“Matteo,” He pleads, sitting up on the left side of Matteo’s bed.

“David,” He croaks, a single tear falling down his left cheek.

“You don’t…Is that it? You don’t…”

The unspoken words are screaming at him.

You don’t _want me?_ You don’t _love me?_ You don’t _need me?_

And to all of those questions, it’s undoubtedly no. 

The amount of shock running through Matteo’s system could keep him awake for days. _David…wants him._

He needs David so bad his bones ache for him. But, David doesn’t deserve someone who would even dare to think about him dropping everything and giving everything up for them. David deserves the best— and as he’s made clear now, it’s not him.

_Give David better._

Matteo sits up. “No.”

It the worst lie he’s ever told. And what shatters his heart is the look on David’s face. He believes him. How could he believe him? 

David swallows and lets out a huffy breath, lips quivering.

“You don’t…”

Matteo tries to say no, but ends up mouthing, “No,” as a sob escapes his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“I have to go.” There’s the cold.

“Dav,’ plea—”

“—I’ll call you.” Matteo knows he just ruined everything with that empty promise. He’s never seen David make an empty promise. It’s probably the worst lie David’s ever told.

Matteo knows he must have smashed David’s heart into millions of pieces for him to feel the need to isolate himself and already be on the verge of running away.

From him of all people. The one person who was supposed to be his home, who just rejected him. Matteo can’t believe how backwards everything is.

~~~~~

Matteo’s heart and head are screaming at him to rekindle the spark. To make it all go back in time to before it got all fucked up. Well, the fire already feels relit and it’s so much more hot than Matteo ever remembers it being.

Any place David’s eyes look at, tingles. He's numbing him. He feels like he’s in high school again and he’s having _that_ fantasy run through his head for the millionth time.

“You look exhausted.”

Matteo perks up to that. Sardonically, he shoots back, “The same to you.”

He thinks he sees stars when David’s smiles and asks, “Do you want to get out of here?” It felt so natural.

Matteo looks at the door behind them.

“You already have everybody you need, is it worth staying?” His lips quiver. _Is it worth staying?_

Nervously, he suggests, “Want to walk me home?”

David nods and holds the door open for him. The two pass their friends on the way out who look shocked, more than anything. Matteo shrugs nervously and pushes the doors open with David.

“Where to?” He asks.

“Oh,” He says, “Same place. Only difference is I live alone now.” They turn the corner and for the majority of the walk, it’s awkward. Well no, Matteo’s awkward. David’s as smooth as always.

The anticipation gets the best of Matteo when he breaks the silence with the question, “Do you have somewhere to stay?”

David nods, not looking much into the question, but Matteo feels like he somewhat dodged it.

He lets out a shaky breath and figures the band aid is better ripped off. “Is there someone back in Frankfurt?”

This causes David to stop walking and stare at him. Like _really_ stare at him. David looks him in the eyes and his incredible attention to detail is trying to determine what ulterior motive’s behind _that_ kind of question. 

“I moved closer 2 years ago, actually.” He says it in such a way that he knows he’s waiting for a reaction. Well, Matteo doesn’t have one to give besides heartbreak.

“Are you back in Berlin, then?”

“Do you want me to be?” David asks, and there's _that_ quick witted flirting Matteo loves.

Matteo smiles. “Just tell me if you are.”

David nods, “Yeah.”

“What. You didn’t…” He doesn’t bother on finishing. Of course he wouldn’t have told him, they lost contact 8 years before that.

“There’s no one. You?” _Oh_ so David’s down to talk about it now.

Matteo just shakes his head and tries to ignore the look in David’s eyes, but he’s always been able to read him. It horrifies him what he sees.

A silence falls between them again for the rest of the walk. Matteo doesn’t know how to feel about _that_ look. 

Eventually, they reach the gate. When they start walking up the stairs, David quietly asks, “Why didn’t you move? You have money, I’m sure.”

He shrugs like he doesn’t know. He knows. “There were too many memories I couldn’t leave behind.”

“Like what?” David asks. He wants to know. He looks determined. 

Matteo looks down to his hands, that are shaking again. He knew this was coming, to a certain extent tonight.

“You,” He breathes, his eyes darting around the dimly lit hallway and then David.

“What? What did you say?” He wants to know the truth. He wants him to say it again.

“I lied. I lied to you. I want to go back in time...with you before I…”

“When did you lie to— ” And then realization strikes through David’s body. 

Nerves pump through Matteo’s blood as he watches David study him, looking up and down for the subtle features that only David would notice. He fiddles with his fingers, waiting for _more_.

Before Matteo knows it, David’s kissing him fervently like he’s been waiting to do it for 10 years. Matteo’s taken off guard by the intensity and pure _want_ vibrating through the course of his bones. He stumbles backwards and slams his back against his own door. He looks to David, breathless. David stands inches away, waiting for confirmation. Waiting for the truth. Is this what he wants too?

With one hand with keys, his free hand goes to pull David closer and he chases his lips before pressing them together again. 

And usually, this passion would have freaked him out, but he knows David knows his boundaries.

Matteo’s not even going to lie. He is, in the least amount, thankful his friends set him up on dates so many times so that he is actually a good kisser for David. 

David grabs the keys from Matteo’s hand, Matteo then grasping onto his wrist, and fumbles with the handle. Obviously he is able to open it before Matteo even thinks about it. Still, years later and David manages to swiftly walk Matteo back to his room without their faces being anymore than 3 inches apart. 

Once they reach his room, Matteo turns back to open his door and when he looks back around, David’s eyes fill with fear. Matteo goes to kiss him, to take away his uncertainty, but he moves back. 

His heart starts beating even more frantically. “What?” He breathlessly mouths.

“Are you okay? Is this too much?” 

Matteo has to give himself time to catch his breath before he asks, “Why? What?” 

“Fuck, I didn’t even ask if you like kissing. Fuck.” 

Matteo sighs with relief. “It’s okay.” 

“No, it’s…” David’s still fighting for breath.

“It’s okay, I do,” He assures David.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, especially not for me. I don’t want you to sacrifice your comfort and lie.” 

Matteo smiles, gazing at David. 

David restates, “I’m okay with everything you’re okay with. Anything. You don’t have to want to— ” Matteo cuts him off by closing the space between their lips again.

In between their kisses and kicking off their shoes Matteo whispers, “We should have done this 13 years ago.”

“Fuck, I know.” Matteo leads him to his bed, pulling him by the wrist, with a childlike grin on his face. 

“Dav’ we haven’t been this close since June.” The nickname slips out of his mouth before he thinks it through, but David smiles and he knows it was the right choice. 

“We haven’t ever been like this. Mmm, are you sure you like kissing?” David asks, just to tease him.

Matteo smiles, “I like kissing you. I don’t know about anyone else.” 

David rolls over to pine Matteo down to the bed. “Good,” He giggles.

His eyes flicker shut and he gently places slower, softer kisses on Matteo’s lips. It’s gentle and hopeful and happy. Matteo licks his red, swollen lips and pulls David to lie down next to him.

“Can you stay the night?” He eagerly asks.

David pretends to think about it and Matteo pouts.

“Did you hate me for it?” He asks while they lay down, pulling and grabbing each other’s hands and hair.

“I could never hate you,” David simply answers. “I was mad until I got mad at myself for judging how you do or don’t feel.”

Matteo tilts his head. “But I did.”

“Feel, I know…now at least.”

“I just thought it’d be easier with you gone than us actually doing long distance.”

“Did you know how I felt before that day?” David asks.

Matteo shakes his head before moving it closer to his. “No.” Then, “You never called.”

“I couldn’t face knowing how much I hurt you. I couldn’t call and hear the pain in your voice, knowing it was my fault and I couldn't do anythng to make you better. It was wrong, but ‘Teo, you know I run. I had to.”

“You haven’t posted anything since then. You’ve done so much, accomplished so much. I'm proud of how far you've come.”

David snuggles closer to him, and wraps his fingers and Matteo's, his thumb caressing his. “And it’s all worth nothing without you. I didn’t feel like I was…I didn’t want to let myself feel successful when I deliberately lost the only _thing_ I loved.”

“ _Thing_?” Matteo teases.

Rolling his eyes, David chuckles while his cheeks get rosier. “ _Person_ ,” He clarifies.

After talking and catching up— though they both agree they’ll never truly be able to catch up— for hours, they fall asleep in each other’s arms just like they’ve always wanted to do.

Matteo wakes up to David’s soft giggle and bedhead and cannot believe how he managed to be the luckiest person on Earth today. He asks David what he’s laughing about and he admits to posting something online of him.

“What?” Matteo says, turning to David. David giggles. “I may went on _Instagram_ while you were sleeping.” 

Matteo immediately goes to check what David’s so giggly about and it’s a picture— that somehow David was able to make look good— of him sleeping, with a subdued smile across his lips.

**_I’ll meet your eyes, I mean this forever._ **

He finished the lyrics. Matteo’s jaw drops and blush covers his skin, from his neck to cheeks. “You didn’t.”

David smiles, eyes sparkling as bright as ever, “Oh, but I did.”

"I think I might love you and your cringyass captions," He murmurs.

David rolls his eyes and says a sarcastic" Oh, I love you so so much Matteo."

Matteo bites on his lip while smuggly looking at David’s. He goes to graze David’s lips, but David’s biting down laughter and refusing to kiss him.

“Kiss me, you ass, if the entire internet gets to see me sleep, I get a kiss.”

David closes his eyes and pouts, “No.”

Matteo laughs like he hasn’t in a good 10 years and starts pressing kisses from David’s collarbone to temple which earns him David purring against his ear, tightly holding his hand.

“Mm, still don’t want to kiss me, then? Fine,” Matteo fails at feigning anger and starts laughing.

David presses a kiss to his nose and then props himself on his elbows to better look at him.

“Dav?’” Matteo asks.

“Hmm— ” They both go to look at whoever has erratically busted into his room.

“Oh my god, Jonas, when did I give you a fucking key? And why are you pulling a Hans right now?”

Jonas has a shit eating grin on his face. “4 years ago, you dumb fuck. I don’t know why you did, but anyways…” There’s so much excitement in his voice.

“... I’m not going to lie to you, everyone bet money on you two hooking but, but luckily for me and Amira, we got 50 bucks because you’re out, and they’re too fucking dumb to remember.”

Matteo laughs, he can’t even pretend to be surprised. All of his friends are like that. This was to be expected.

“See, and that’s how insignificant someone’s sexuality should be to everyone else!” David points out.

“Just sexuality,” He huffs, “Not sex?”

“Apparently, the people wanna know,” David argues, knowing Matteo’s referring to their “fans” and friends who have apparently been invested in their relationship for as long as they’ve been.

“I guess, anything for the people,” Matteo shrugs.

Then Jonas smiles again. “See David, I knew going after him was the plan.”

Matteo sits up, he’s certainly intrigued by this information. “What plan?” Matteo plays dumb and David pushes him.

“Oh, just that I, your best friend— don't think I didn't see your video the other day— was the one who told David to go after you in the bathroom.”

Matteo grins as he looks over to David. “Wasn’t your idea, huh?”

“I needed encouragement Matteo. We hadn’t talked for 10 years!” He argues.

Then a smug Jonas points at himself, announcing, “Thanks to your wingman and best friend. Me. Your welcome.”

Matteo grabs a pillow and throws it at Jonas, who successfully dodges it and runs out to the kitchen. “I’m making breakfast, don’t kill me!” He shouts.

When the boys walk out, wrapped around each other— trying to make up for the years apart they spent— they are greeted by Hanna, Mohammed, and Amira who all look greatly pleased with themselves.

Matteo’s enjoying the attention, for once. All of his friends are happy for them and apparently the entire internet is too, as he has never been tagged in anything as much as he was this morning. It was all meant to happen.

Matteo tells them all to stop acting so smug and then gets teased, by even David, but it’s all worth it because he’s holding hands with David and it’s all he’s ever wanted to be doing for the rest of his life— plus, there’s food. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I live off of feedback, so feel free to leave some comments down below! Or requests, I want to write more :) Thank you so much for taking your time to read my work and if you got to here, sincerely I love you! And, oh my god! If you're ace, please comment, I want and am in the need for some ace friends. My tumblr is @davidsenzi.


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